Body image is an issue for many men, regardless of sexuality. But it seems to be more of a problem in the gay community. When it comes to appearance, gay men hold themselves - and one another - to far more exacting standards. I spoke to a few men anonymously about this on Grindr. A leading gay lifestyle magazine, Attitude, has just published an entire issue dedicated to body image problems in the gay community.
Part of the obsession some gay men have with their appearance definitely comes from seeking validation.
AI can tell from photo whether you’re gay or straight
HueyDavid - YouTube. They look past your sexual orientation. How to be Gay and Happy. Todd argued that homosexuality is often accompanied by feelings of shame stemming from a lack of acceptance in society. Those feelings can lead to a lack of acceptance for ourselves, which leads to an unhealthy fixation with our appearance.
In , the International Journal of Eating Disorders found that gay or bisexual men were three times more likely than straight men to have body image issues. It seems to be the other way around for women, with a study finding that lesbian women reported less body dissatisfaction than heterosexual women. According to the lesbian blogger Denise Warner, "women are more accepting of body flaws, possibly because they're so aware of the sexism in mainstream media" when it comes to promoting unattainable beauty standards. I came out when I was 15 years old.
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Because we held back from being authentically ourselves for most of our adolescence and the beginning of our adult lives, we get a chance to do it all over when we come out. The cherry on top of all of this, is that this usually happens in a big city, or at least some place bigger than the hometown we grew up in, where excess is welcomed. The question is, when is enough enough? Gay men are beyond picky, and we feel like we can be because with social media the pool of possibilities feels endless.
We are men with egos, and we strive to be the best at everything we do because it was something we learned as closeted children. However, this tends to lead to us having crazy expectations for ourselves, and therefore our mates as well. Everyone is supposed to look like a model, have an Adonis body, be super successful, like everything we like, and fit the molds we've created that no one can ever actually live up to.
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Dreamboat is ready. His ego is hurt. Add to the fact that gays often date with the seasons, and half the year is either thought of as warm single, and often slutty season, or as a cold cuddling more relationship based time of the year. We forget that we are still animals, and like our furry friends, our bodies change with the tides and seasons in a very natural way.
However, gay men are quick to use the seasons as an excuse to why we are "allowed" to behave in certain ways. We aren't definitely going to have kids, which is why most heterosexual people start to couple up and settle down. And even today straight couples are waiting longer and longer to have children. However, even when we do couple up, the way in which we operate as couples is quite different than straight couples.
Add to the fact that a lot of our friends are single, and it becomes almost more normal to be single in the gay world than in a healthy relationship. We even joke that gay years are like dog years for relationships. And for better or worse, the second something starts to go sour, we have reminders that there are men everywhere. Our social circles are full of these perpetual bachelors, who appear to enjoy their singledom, and constantly question why we are looking to settle down. We all have a friend or two, who claims to love being single, but through candid conversations it become apparent he isn't addressing his deeper wounds from past loves and life.
These single gay friends come with their own baggage, and will often project that we too need to sow our wild oats. Getting married wasn't an option for our community until very recently, so commitment from a legal standpoint was actually far from a lot of our minds. This in some subconscious way made us less serious when it came to dating. It's easier to just keep reverting back to all the other points that making dating hard than it is to try and work on something with someone we thought we really liked. Dating is hard, being in a couple is hard, but it shouldn't be this hard, right?
We let our minds drift, we make assumptions, and half the time we aren't even communicating how we are feeling with our partners. Yes, not all of us are jealous, or at least to an unhealthy point, but going back to issues of shame and insecurity that stem from our youth, we often have a hard time trusting that we are good enough.
AI can tell from photo whether you’re gay or straight
From this destructive flaw we then end up projecting our neuroses onto our partners, and find ourselves jealous for no reason. Even if we are lucky enough to find someone special and start dating, jealousy can creep within the relationship. Mix in a lack of communication, which as men we are more likely to be bad at, and it's a recipe for disaster.
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